Most Nigerian parents have dealt with tantrums. They are those moments when a child cries, sulks, or throws themselves on the floor because they didn’t get what they wanted. A tantrum usually stops when the child is given attention or the desired object.
A meltdown, on the other hand, is different. It’s not about getting something. It’s about losing control. Your child is overwhelmed, their brain is in distress, and they physically cannot calm down on their own. Read how to handle tantrums in autism here
A lot of times, it starts small. Your child refuses to put on their shoes for example. Then you try to reason with them, but instead, the situation escalates from a ten to an instant hundred. They’re screaming, kicking, maybe even hitting. Nothing you say calms them down. Worse, you’re in public, people are staring, and you can feel the judgment in their eyes.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many Nigerian parents struggle with meltdowns, especially when family members, teachers, or even strangers dismiss them as “bad behavior” or “stubbornness.” But here’s the truth: meltdowns are not misbehavior. They’re a sign that your child is overwhelmed and struggling to cope.
Unlike tantrums, meltdowns don’t respond to punishment. In fact, shouting or spanking can make things worse. How do you handle them effectively without losing your patience or making things worse? Let’s break it down.
First, Identify the Triggers
Meltdowns often happen due to sensory overload; too much noise, bright lights, strong smells. It could be a change in routine like sudden transitions, unexpected events or a difficulty communicating and an emotional overload, leading to frustration.
Children, especially those with autism or sensory sensitivities often react to predictable triggers. Loud environments, crowded spaces, unfamiliar routines can all push them over the edge.
Therefore, always pay attention to when and where the meltdowns happen. Notice the early signs (fidgeting, covering ears, pacing) and try to reduce exposure to the known triggers.
If places like markets are overwhelming, maybe shopping in the morning when it’s quieter will help. If school drop-offs lead to stress, a structured goodbye routine could ease the transition.
Stay Calm Even When It’s Hard
It’s easy to say, "Stay calm," but when your child is screaming, and people are staring, it’s tough. You might feel embarrassed, frustrated, or even helpless. But here’s the thing; your child looks to you for emotional cues. If you panic, they panic more.
Try this instead:
Breathe first. Remind yourself: This is not a crisis. My child is struggling, not misbehaving.
Lower your voice. Speak slowly and calmly, even if they’re screaming.
Remove them from the situation if possible. A quieter space can help them calm down faster.
Sometimes parents worry that not reacting forcefully means letting the child “win.” But meltdowns aren’t battles. You’re not supposed to “win” or “lose.” The goal is to help your child regain control.
Create a Safe Zone
Would you feel comfortable breaking down emotionally in front of a crowd? Probably not. Now imagine being a child with fewer coping skills and no way to explain what’s wrong.
A safe zone is simply a quiet, familiar space where your child can calm down without pressure. This could be a designated quiet corner at home, a favorite chair or spot with comforting items (soft toys, blankets), a less crowded area like a parked car or a quiet hallway if you're in public.
Whenever they have a meltdown, let your child go to their safe zone when they start getting overwhelmed. Teach siblings or caregivers to respect this space as their special space. Don't forget to carry small calming tools when going out in public. Noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, or a familiar toy can make a big difference.
Some parents worry that giving children a quiet space means rewarding bad behavior. But remember: meltdowns are not intentional misbehavior. Your child isn’t trying to manipulate you. They’re trying to survive an overwhelming situation.
Use Simple, Reassuring Words
When a meltdown happens, talking too much can backfire. Your child’s brain is in survival mode. At that point they can’t process long explanations. What you can do instead is to use short, calm phrases like “You’re safe.” “I’m here.” “Breathe.” Don't ask too many questions. It can add stress. You can also use visuals too. Some children respond better to hand signals or showing a “calm down” card instead of words. Every child is different, so experiment with what helps your child feel safe.
Teach Coping Skills When They’re Calm
The middle of a meltdown isn’t the time to teach deep breathing or problem-solving. But afterwards, when your child is calm, that’s when learning happens.
Try teaching:
Deep breathing techniques (blowing bubbles, pretending to blow out candles)
Squeezing a stress ball or fidget toy
Counting slowly to self-soothe
Using words or pictures to express feelings (“I feel angry.” “Too loud.”)
For Nigerian parents who grew up in homes where emotions weren’t openly discussed, this might feel unfamiliar. But teaching children how to express their emotions in a healthy way reduces meltdowns over time.
What NOT to Do During a Meltdown
Some common reactions can actually make meltdowns worse:
Shouting or spanking escalates fear and stress.
Saying “Stop crying!” or “Calm down now!” They would if they could!
Threatening punishment. Fear-based discipline doesn’t help children develop coping skills.
Giving into demands. If your child is having a tantrum because they want something, giving in reinforces the behavior. But with meltdowns, the goal is emotional regulation, not giving rewards.
When to Seek Help
Occasional meltdowns are normal. But if your child:
Has frequent, intense meltdowns that last a long time
Struggles with communication
Reacts strongly to sensory input (loud sounds, textures, bright lights)
Seems to have difficulty socializing with other children
Then it might be helpful to consult a child psychologist, occupational therapist, or developmental specialist.
Learn how to handle tantrums in autism, here.
Handling meltdowns isn’t about being the “perfect” parent. It’s about understanding your child’s needs and responding with patience. Some days will be easier than others. Some meltdowns will be short, others may feel endless. But every time you approach them with calmness and understanding, you’re teaching your child that they’re safe, loved, and supported.
So next time a meltdown happens, take a deep breath. Instead of trying to stop it instantly, focus on guiding your child through it one small, steady step at a time.
And if anyone gives you judgmental stares? Let them stare. You’re raising your child with love, and that’s what truly matters.