You've probably heard something like this before:
"Ehn? Your son is four and still wears diaper? Ha! When I born Junior, by two, he was already using toilet!"
And if you're parenting an autistic child in Nigeria, you've also probably smiled through the shame, nodded politely, and just wished people would mind their business.
Toilet training is hard. Toilet training an autistic child? Even harder. But not impossible.
A study on pubmed found that children with autism have toileting resistance five times more than their neurotypical peers. Often not because they can't learn, but because the teaching process may not fit how they process the world.
So how do you toilet train an autistic child in a Nigerian home, without pressure, shame, or burnout? Let's walk through it, step by step.
Break It Down One Small Step at a Time
Here's the thing: most neurotypical children pick up toilet training through observation, repetition, and verbal instructions. But many autistic children need structure. They learn best when tasks are broken into clear, simple parts.
Instead of saying "Go and use the toilet" (which includes walking, pulling down trousers, sitting, doing the deed, wiping, flushing, washing...), break it down like this:
1. Walk to the bathroom
2. Pull down pants
3. Sit on toilet
4. Pee or poop
5. Wipe
6. Flush
7. Wash hands
Teach each part in turn, and practice it often, preferably at a predictable time each day. Practice sitting on the toilet even when they don't need to go. That way, they learn the routine without pressure.
Use Rewards, Video Modelling, and Visual Supports
In Nigeria, many parents rely on fear or discipline to toilet train "If you poo on yourself again, I'll beat you!" but with autistic children, this can backfire. They're not being stubborn, they're often just confused or overwhelmed.
Here are strategies that work better:
Rewards: Stickers, sweets, high-fives, or watching their favorite cartoon right after a successful toilet trip. Reinforce immediately after they try or succeed even if it's just sitting on the potty at first.
Video modelling: Show them short videos of other children using the toilet. There are child-friendly clips on YouTube that show step-by-step actions. Watching other kids do it helps normalize the process.
Visual schedules: Laminate a simple chart with pictures of each toilet step. Point to each one as they go along. It reduces anxiety and builds independence.
Social stories: These are simple storybooks or cards that explain toilet training from a child's point of view "I feel the pee coming. I go to the toilet. I sit down. I wipe. I flush. Mummy is happy!" You can create your own with drawings or photos from your own home.
Make It Comfortable: The Toilet Shouldn't Feel Like a Punishment
Imagine sitting on a cold, loud, unfamiliar seat when you're already sensitive to touch, sound, or smell. That's the reality for many autistic kids.
So how can we make it better?
Adjust the seat height. If their feet dangle, use a small stool for stability.
Warm up the bathroom. Consider warm lighting or letting them bring a favorite toy.
Remove scary triggers. If the flush sound scares them, wait until they've left the room before flushing or let them control when it flushes.
Dress them in easy-to-remove clothes. No complex zippers or tight jeans. Elastic waistbands are your friend.
Comfort encourages routine and routine breeds success.
Expect Setbacks (and Don't Panic When They Happen)
Your child might seem fully trained for a week and then suddenly start having accidents. This doesn't mean you've failed.
Setbacks can happen because of:
Changes in routine (e.g., traveling, new school, illness)
Emotional stress or sensory overload
Confusion about when it's "okay" to go and when it's not
Don't rush back to diapers right away. Instead, pause and assess:
Is the routine still consistent?
Did something change recently?
Do they need more visual reminders?
You can always go back one step and try again. Progress isn't always a straight line and that's okay.
Toilet Training While Working: Nigerian Realities
Let's be honest: toilet training takes time. But most Nigerian parents also have jobs, businesses, or other children to care for. What then?
Here's what can help:
Involve caregivers or teachers. Train them to use the same visual supports and rewards. Consistency across environments helps.
Use timer alerts. Set alarms for every 2–3 hours to remind yourself or a helper to take your child to the toilet.
Weekend intensives. Focus on structured training during weekends when you're around, and reinforce it lightly during the week.
Don't forget to communicate with your child's school or daycare. A laminated visual chart placed in their bag can go a long way.
A Note on Night-Time Training
Night-time dryness usually comes later, even for neurotypical kids. If your child is still wetting the bed at age 5 or 6, don't panic. Limit fluids before bedtime, use protective sheets, and try gentle wake-ups once during the night for a toilet run.
Celebrate dry nights, but don't punish wet ones. It's a body-mind connection that takes time.
Finally, Be Patient With Your Child and Yourself
There is no perfect age, no universal method. What matters most is that you approach toilet training with love, structure, and patience.
Yes, it will take longer than you expected.
Yes, there will be accidents.
But your child will get there.
And when they do, whether it's at age 3 or 7, the victory will be all the sweeter, because you walked them through it with compassion, not comparison.